LESLEY AND PAUL'S BIRTH STORY
Lesley first heard about HypnoBirthing at her yoga class, and when we visited an Early Parenting evening at the hospital, Lisa Jackson was there to talk about it. We really liked the sound of it as Lesley can get quite tense, and it sounded like something that could really help. It was fairly expensive though, so I did some research on the internet to find out more about it. I found it hard to find any negative stories, and read lots of stories about calm mothers and disbelieving midwives awestruck at fully dilated mums staying cool.
We decided to attend Lisa's four-week HypnoBirthing course, starting at 26 weeks. They really worked for us and we practised the relaxation techniques most nights all the way up to the birth. I think this really helped with Lesley being able to get a good night's sleep practically every night, and also a nap most afternoons during her maternity leave.
After finishing the course and reading the book that goes with it, it seemed to us that we would need a home birth to really have the experience we wanted. A lot of the subtle, quiet techniques we had worked so hard on could be easily lost in the clinical atmosphere and hustle and bustle of a hospital. The hospital was also a 20-minute drive away, with lots of parking problems when we got there - I wasn't keen on all the extra stress on what I thought would be a very demanding day. We also really wanted as natural a birth as possible, and hospitals seemed to be a very easy place to get lost in intervention.
We read lots about the struggles you can have with getting a home birth booked in, but while the midwife made it clear that there was a 50/50 chance we would end up going to hospital, we had no problems there. We also read about the positive statistics for home births safety-wise, but I knew if something went wrong, while there would be an ambulance to the hospital, it's obviously not ideal. There is also no option for pain relief other than gas and air at home.
When we started our NCT course, of the seven couples there, we were the only ones even considering a home birth and HypnoBirthing, and suddenly I felt like the hippie weirdo - not something I'd been anywhere near before! Everyone was interested, though, and were thinking of a home birth maybe for the second one! Everyone was saying how brave we were, but I looked at the pictures of hospital rooms with all the metal gadgets and thought we'd made the right decision. Other people said they saw the machinery, and it made them feel safe knowing it was all there. There's no right or wrong way, it's whatever's best for you. Lots of our friends birthed at the hospital and also had a really good experience with the midwives there.
We kept up the HypnoBirthing practice, Lesley kept up her pelvic floor exercises and we even did the perineal massage. As the due date approached, Lesley went in hard on the pineapple, curries, walks etc - we didn't want to go overdue as a home birth becomes less and less likely then, and induction looms. We were due on a Thursday, and we had a membrane sweep booked in for the following Tuesday. The sweep is the least invasive intervention so we weren't dead against it, but anything that moved the labour on unnaturally was a worry for me, and one intervention can easily lead to another. And of course, we were keen for a 100% natural birth if possible.
On Wednesday morning, the day before the due date, we thought Lesley's waters might have gone overnight. We called the hospital and the midwife who'd booked us in for our home birth came to see us. After an examination, she really wasn't sure. She asked another midwife to call us again at about 4pm for an update on any more waters or any contractions. By then, nothing more had happened, so we left it.
We already had a check-up booked in with the same midwife on the Thursday morning, so we went to that and to be 100% sure, we agreed we should get booked in to visit the day assessment unit at the hospital in the early afternoon. There was no sign of any contractions and we were a bit disheartened, as the local guidelines would have us induced if nothing was happening 24 hours after the waters broke. We all hoped the waters hadn't gone.
We double checked our hospital bags and packed the car, prepared for a possible stay. The staff there were lovely, and did a really thorough examination and monitor of the baby, then did an internal examination and determined that the waters were intact. A big relief!
We went home, and Lesley started having contractions that afternoon, starting around 3pm. They were pretty erratic, and carried on through the night, before gradually slowing down on Friday and disappearing. On Saturday we went for a visit to Bromley to quickly look round the shops, hoping the exercise might start things up again. Nothing happened, so we put it down to practice contractions.
On Sunday, Lesley woke up with contractions, but we didn't want to get overexcited again after Thursday. By mid-morning they were feeling much stronger, changing from cramps to starting to actually hurt, coming every 10 minutes or so. I started noting them down, and it soon became quite relentless with one behind another. I set up the last few bits in the front room for Lesley's 'nest', put down the waterproofing and moved our birthing pool to the middle, folded up and ready for inflating and filling when the time came. We decided to go for a short walk in the rain around the park to get things going, and when we got there Lesley wanted to turn straight back - she was finding it more difficult to walk. I thought this was probably it!
Lesley had put two jacket potatoes in the oven before we left for the park, and we had those when we got back. Then we called the hospital, and a midwife arrived at our house at 2pm. We had met her at a home birth talk at the hospital, so it was nice to see a familiar face. At 2.30pm, with contractions about five minutes apart, Lesley was finding them more painful and we agreed the midwife should do a quick check to see if there was any movement on the cervix. She found Lesley was 1cm dilated so we were definitely on the way, and the waters hadn't broken yet - a good sign for us to be able to stay at home and relax through these early stages.
The midwife recommended Lesley take some paracetamol, which she did, and then told Lesley to stay mobile and that we should call back when she was having four contractions in 10 minutes or if we were worried about anything at all, and left us to it. She'd seen our non-interventionist birth plan and was happy to take a back seat and just help when needed, which was perfect! In fact, she had recently moved from hospital to home births as she had become frustrated with the pressure to move births along. She said she lived just around the corner so could come back at any time.
We went up to the bathroom at some point and the contractions really started coming faster and faster. Lesley wanted to get up and try sitting on the birth ball. I went away and got this as fast as I could. When I came back, Lesley was reaching out to me for support. We managed to get her off the toilet and onto the ball in the tiny landing at the top of the stairs. As each contraction came, her breathing became a bit more ragged, and I would then move in closer to breathe with her and help to bring her back under control. All the HypnoBirthing scripts and music were downstairs, but Lesley wanted me to stay with her.
We stayed there for some time as the contractions continued. Lesley was very quiet and calm, and she tells me that in her mind she was visualising the muscles of the cervix drawing up and around, one of our HypnoBirthing techniques. She was also making the most of each contraction using the Slow breathing technique, and concentrating on the fact that I was there to support her 100%. This was all she remembers doing the whole time she was on the birth ball.
After a few tries waiting for a longish break in the contractions, we decided we couldn't wait any more and I rushed away for the TENS machine, music, and some scripts. Lesley was desperate for my support when I got back about a minute later. I attached the TENS machine which Lesley found very helpful to relieve the pain. She was riding out lots of contractions, rocking on the ball gently, squeezing my hands and breathing through the contractions. I was still noting contractions on my phone, and at around 5.20pm they really started speeding up to about two to three minutes apart.
By now we had the Birthing Affirmations CD on, which included the music we'd been using in many of our practice sessions, and a voice reciting the positive birthing phrases that had been a big part of our preparation. Lesley wasn't interested in any HypnoBirthing scripts from me, she just needed me close by helping her to calm her breathing. I wasn't sure how well it was going as there were no screams and shouts from Lesley, and of course I didn't know if she was using HypnoBirthing, or how the techniques were working for her. She seemed to be calm and under control, so I didn't bother her with questions, other than asking if she was alright after each contraction. Each time she had a contraction, she pressed the boost button on the TENS machine and I noted it on my phone, then we brought the breaths under control together.
The pool, which Lesley was really looking forward to using, was still downstairs in a bundle, not prepared, and I didn't know at that stage that Lesley was using all the relaxation techniques we had practiced, just in her head and not out loud. She wouldn't let me go anywhere, so I felt I was doing the right thing staying close by, and everything seemed to be going well. Lesley needed to go to the toilet, so we moved her there and I called the hospital at about 6.30pm to send the midwife back to us. They asked if there was blood in the toilet, and there was, so everyone agreed the midwife should come back.
The midwife arrived and confirmed Lesley's birth show was in the toilet. Lesley stayed on the toilet and the midwife monitored the baby before, after and during a contraction - her heart rate was perfect. The midwife spoke quietly to Lesley and they decided she should move to the bed so she could do an examination and see if Lesley was up to 5cm, so we could get the birth pool set up and get Lesley in. You shouldn't go in before 5cm, as it relaxes the birth too much. The strong contractions were pretty much constant now, so it took a few minutes for Lesley to get herself calmly together and move onto the bed.
At 7pm the midwife monitored the baby - she was fine - and started the internal examination. She tried once or twice, saying she couldn't find the cervix and as Lesley was only 1cm at 2.30pm, she didn't believe Lesley could be fully dilated yet. When she said that, I knew she was. A few moments later, she asked Lesley if she wanted to hear some brilliant news - she was fully dilated! I realised the HypnoBirthing had worked 100% and Lesley had become one of those amazing mothers that sit and dilate quickly and quietly. Lesley seemed not too bothered to me, but she tells me while she was pleased that stage one was over, she knew that transition was next, for many women the hardest part of labour.
The midwife confirmed we were happy to leave the water birth and give birth in the bedroom - everything was going so well, we readily agreed. She could feel the waters bulging against the cervix and offered to pop them. We wanted to keep everything natural so declined, and the midwife respected that and left us to it.
Lying on the bed together, while the midwife waited downstairs, the contractions seemed to be getting stronger, with the boost button on the TENS pressed most of the time, but as time went on, they also seemed to be less frequent. It felt to me like we'd been over the top of a hill and were going down the other side. Lesley says she knew she was in transition because it was so much more painful. She really concentrated and squeezed the life out of my hand for relief.
I heard the midwife letting someone in downstairs - she'd told us earlier that her colleague had been doing home births for many years and would arrive at some point to be our second midwife. I could vaguely hear her trying to convince the second midwife that Lesley was indeed already fully dilated and lying quietly!
I'd stopped timing the contractions when the first midwife arrived, and I'd completely lost track of time. Looking at her notes it was around 9pm that the waters finally popped. The first midwife was monitoring the baby at the time and let us know what had happened - neither of us could see what was going on down there, but we heard the pop and I heard the little splosh on the waterproof mat on the bed. A few minutes later she noted that Lesley had not had a strong urge to push - I remember her saying to Lesley that she had been having a good rest on the bed after the swift dilation, but things were slowing down and we needed to get things moving again. Lesley asked me to get the TENS off - I think she'd started to find it irritating.
She also hadn't been to the toilet for a while, so the midwife asked her to go. She struggled up and out, heavily leaning on me to move around, but still very calm, and just stopping still for contractions on the way. Now she was up and about, the contractions speeded up again very quickly, and it was suggested we should try going downstairs and coming back up. With Lesley on the top stair, and me on the one below, a big contraction hit. Lesley leant all her weight into me, and I clung onto the banister as we rode it out. I could feel the midwives were very concerned about us falling down the stairs together. We continued walking down step by step, and halfway down, another one hit and I held onto the banister again with both hands. We made it to the bottom and went into the back room to see the cat, who was sleeping soundly through the whole thing.
We struggled back upstairs - 10.30pm in the notes - and the midwives kept Lesley standing next to the bed while the contractions really kicked in. Lesley hung off my neck, deeply breathing through each one, and letting out deep guttural growls as she managed two or three pushes during each contraction. I'd always been a bit wary of 'breathing' the baby out as per HypnoBirthing, and Lesley tells me that while the breathing down didn't work strongly enough, it did help her visualise where to direct her pushing.
As Lesley bent her knees for each push, I started growling along with her as it seemed to help her get more power behind them. The baby was definitely moving down, being monitored with a doppler all the way, always fine. The second midwife also measured Lesley's pulse from time to time, which was also OK. The midwives insisted Lesley had some nourishment as she hadn't eaten since lunchtime, so I popped downstairs and grabbed a glass and a carton of juice to recharge her energy.
Part of me was a little concerned now, as the last few contractions seemed to be really taking it out of Lesley, and she was hanging heavier and heavier around my neck, relying on me to stand up. The midwife was saying things were going on a little too long, and Lesley was getting tired out. All along the midwives had said it was a 'good-sized baby' and Lesley is quite a small person. I couldn't bear the thought of going to hospital now, after Lesley had done so amazingly well.
At 10.34pm one of the midwives said the baby's head was visible, but by 10.48pm progress seemed to be stuck, with a strip of hairy head coming through. The midwife suggested trying to kneel on the bed - Lesley was still able to talk between surges and agreed to give it a try. When Lesley moved around onto all fours I could see our baby for the first time, and I gave the little diamond of messy, sticky hair a reassuring touch - not long now, hopefully.
We were still pushing at 11.01pm when Lesley stood up again, and after ten minutes or so, the midwife said Lesley may have to have an episiotomy as she was getting so overtired. On the doppler, the baby was still calm, to the astonishment of both of the midwives. One last try, the midwife said, then we would have to move to the bed for a little cut. That idea seemed to do the trick, and little Ellie slipped out with the next bend and growl, expertly caught and turned by the first midwife - amazing! Lesley could see Ellie's arm hanging down and she felt amazing, too! I couldn't believe it. Ellie started crying straightaway and the cord had already stopped pulsing within seconds.
The midwife gave her to me straightaway, and I tried to bring her up to Lesley, but it was a very short cord, and she just wouldn't reach. The midwife clamped the cord and gave me the fat scissors to cut it with, which I did. I was still amazed and just wanted to get Ellie up to her mother, who had worked so hard and so well through the afternoon and evening. We all then helped Lesley into bed with Ellie, and the midwife asked Lesley if she wanted to have the injection to speed the placenta delivery along. She said yes as she was so tired and just wanted it done. The midwife asked her if she was sure as everything had gone so naturally so far, and Lesley decided to leave it after all and see what happened. It was incredible, but even after the completely natural birth with no pain relief since the TENS came off hours ago, Lesley was having a conversation and thinking about her options.
In fact, the placenta slipped out just nine minutes after Ellie, without any injection, then Lesley did a bit of breastfeeding. After that Lesley had to have some stitches in bed with gas and air, while I helped the midwife check Ellie over, measuring, counting fingers and toes etc, just to keep me busy I think while the midwife stitched. It was lucky the first midwife's background was in hospital births where stitching is more common - she was a real expert at suturing and the second midwife was very impressed with her work!
Once that was all done, the midwives worked their magic and cleaned up all the mats on the bed and floor and made the bed around Lesley while I rustled up some jam on toast for supper. I carried all the gas canisters and bags downstairs, then the second midwife went home. At about 2am I helped the first midwife take everything to her car, and she was very pleased with how things had gone. Especially as, as she'd just told us, this was the first home birth she had led!
Now everything was all calm, just the three of us in bed. The whole thing had been an incredible experience. I'd been worried about how Lesley would cope, and she had been concerned about her pain threshold. In the end she coped magnificently, and I am still amazed at her drug-free, natural birth with no intervention. We could now forget all the little worries about what could go wrong in any kind of birth, or whether we would be disappointed with the birth experience. We didn't use the HypnoBirthing scripts we'd learnt, or the birthing pool, but I knew they were there and it helped me to remain calm. From Lesley's point of view the breathing was the key, along with using visualisations to move things along. After all our practice, it was easy for Lesley to see the breathing as a natural state, making the contractions manageable.
I will always remember the wonderful way our lovely Ellie arrived into the world, breathing and crying straight away, hanging upside down - I was so relieved Lesley had done it and so amazed that Ellie had been inside Lesley all this time. The birth was 9 hours 18 minutes from start to finish and Ellie was 7lb 7oz. Lesley felt exhausted but exhilarated, grateful for the wonderful experience the three of us had shared.
